Nyaaguh    CR 1

Male Half-Orc Bard 1

CG Medium Humanoid (Human, Orc)

Init +2, Senses Listen +1; Spot +7; darkvision 60 ft.

Languages Abyssal, Aquan, Auran, Celestial, Common, Draconic, Dwarven, Elven, Giant, Orc

AC 15, touch 12, flat-footed 13 (+3 armor, +2 Dex)

hp 9 (1d6+3 HD)

Fort +3, Ref +4, Will +3

Spd 30 ft.

Melee mwk Sousaphone +3 (2d6+4)

Ranged Sousaphone mouth piece (improvised) -2 (1d3+3)

Base Atk +0; Grp +3

Special Actions Bardic Knowledge

Bard Spells Prepared (Charisma too low)

Abilities Str 17 (+3), Dex 14 (+2), Con 16 (+3), Int 10 (+0), Wis 12 (+1), Cha 4 (-3)

SQ Hard of Hearing, Pathetic

Feats Skill Focus (Spot), Weapon Proficiency (Sousaphone)

Skills Decipher Script +4, Knowledge (history) +4, Speak Language (8 points, for 8 additional languages)

Possessions masterwork Sousaphone (weight 48 lbs, 2-handed Bludgeoning), Sousaphone mouthpieces (10), 4gp 9sp 8cp, Pad of 100 sheets of college-rule parchment, Backpack, Belt pouch, Inkpen x10, Ink-filled vials x2, Waterskin, Trail rations (2 days worth), Entertainer's outfit


Cantrips — ghost sound, lullaby, message, summon instrument

Bardic Knowledge Myaaguh may make a special bardic knowledge check with a +1 bonus to see whether he knows some relevant information about local notable people, legendary items, or noteworthy places.

Bardic Music Nyaaguh does not have the required ranks in a Perform skill to perform any Bardic Music.

Hard of Hearing (Unearthed Arcana) Trait: -2 listen checks, +1 spot checks

Pathetic (Unearthed Arcana) Flaw: -2 to Charisma

Spells Nyaaguh cannot cast spells as a Bard unless his Charisma was raised to at least 10.


Once upon a time there was a man who liked to drink. We’re not talking about having a pint every now and then with the guys. This man drank ALL the time. He would wake up in the morning and drink. He would eat his breakfast and drink. He would walk down the street and drink… I think you get the picture.

Well, one day when this man was much more inebriated that usual (and that is saying a lot), he had the misfortune of meeting up with an orcish woman who had just broken up with her mate. Through his beer-goggles, though, the man thought the orc woman was a nymph (Just try and imagine how drunk one would have to be for that to happen. Scary, isn’t it?). Well, one year later when the man finally sobered up enough to realize what had happened, he had an orcish wife in bed with him and a half-orc son lying in a crib at the foot of the bed. At that moment, the man let out the shrillest, most high-pitched scream any living being has ever heard. This scream was so high and loud that it rendered the baby totally and irreparably deaf.

In the years that followed the man’s liver failed due to all the alcohol he had consumed, leaving the orc woman a widow, but not before inheriting a large sum of money from a distant relative. The orcish woman knew that with this money, she could give her son a quality education. Unfortunately, the woman was none too bright, as she hired music instructors to teach her deaf son. Instructors from almost every conceivable race of creature were hired to teach the boy the arts, but none of it would stick. While the instructors were futilely attempting to teach him, the boy spent the long hours slowly learning to read by looking at the notes the instructors brought with them. Eventually, the boy became convinced that he had learned all there is to know about music, and took up the tuba as his instrument of choice. He even was able to glean some knowledge of Bardic magic, and carries around a spellbook with notes taken from various teachers (hence his spellbook is even harder to read than most, since it's written in a variety of languages he picked up), but he never mastered actually casting those spells himself.

Eventually, this boy grew into a man. When asked what his name was, the man would either remain silent, or he would try to make vocalizations in his throat that would come out sounding like “Nyaaguh.” Nyaaguh is still convinced of his extraordinary musical ability. He often plays his tuba at bars and inns. Many patrons of these places do not hear the genius in Nyaaguh’s playing (which is usually quite random), and when they try to leave, Nyaaguh gets very upset. He flies into a bardic rage (not to be confused with a barbarian’s rage) in which he used his tuba to pound his dissenters into putty.

Common ExpressionsEdit

Battlecry – “UNNGH!”

Catchphrase – “.....”

Also known to say – “Nuhmm”