Desank Daramx CR 2
TN Small Goblinoid (Goblin)
, Senses ; ; darkvision 60 ft.
Languages Goblin, Common, Gnoll, Orc, Elven
AC 13, touch 13, flat-footed 11
hp 18 (HD)
Spd 30 ft.
Melee Unarmed strike +3 (1d2-1 nonlethal, provokes attacks of opportunity) or carving knife -1 (1d3-1/19-20)
Ranged Thrown cooking tool +2 (generally 1d3-1)
Abilities, , , , ,
Feats Skill Focus (Craft: Cooking); Quick draw
Skills Craft (Cooking) +20, Diplomacy +5, Gather Information +6, Knowledge (Local) +8, Move Silently +12, Perform (Juggling) +4, Profession (Fishing) +8, Ride +6, Sleight of Hand +9, Spot +5, Survival +5, Use Magic Device +1
Possessions magic carving knife (original magic item that provides a +5 competence bonus to Craft: Cooking checks; can be used as an improvised weapon dealing slashing damage), everfull salt shaker (original magic item; this salt shaker never runs out of salt), mwk artisan's tools (+2 circumstance bonus to Craft: Cooking checks; stacks with bonus from carving knife), mwk fishing rod (masterwork tool; provides a +2 circumstance bonus to Profession: Fishing checks)
Personality and NotesEdit"I make food. Taste my food. Is good? Pay me to cook."
Desank Daramx is a very skilled cook and chef with the finest tools money can buy. He is not intended for combat, but more as local colour whenever the DM feels like throwing in a master cook. The orange-skinned, bloodshot-eyed goblin usually dressed in stained gray clothes for cooking, and his black hair appears greasy.
"You annoy me. Leave now."
Daramx is uncharismatic - even for a goblin. Though his genius is undeniable to anyone that has seen his work, Daramx has no patience for others and doesn't like to talk. Though he has picked up enough diplomatic ability to get through a job interview, he is hired more for his reputation than his ability to woo an employer. Though he can understand and make himself understood in Common, Elven, Orc and Gnoll, Daramx has only broken to rudimentary skill in these languages, believing that he'll never have want to make conversation anyway. Daramx has no NPC friends, and if for some reason a PC wants to make friends with him, they'll have to be able to ignore his race, present themselves as intelligent, and express a rogue-like charm. Daramx has a default attitude of Unfriendly to everyone but potential employers.
"Get out of my kitchen! Need to think! And lumbering giant of stupid man does not make good think!"
Daramx works alone for the above reason, and also because he demands concentration in his work. He hates to be disturbed for any reason. If disrupted in his kitchen, he'll throw insults in Goblin at the intruder on a good day, or whatever physical objects are handy on a bad day.
"You are unusual person. I seen many people, most taste like pork. But one taste like lamb. I think maybe you taste like lamb too."
Daramx can cook a vegetable dish if he must, but he'll grumble, moan, and put out a dish below his standard (although given his standard is a DC 30 meal, even this will be very tasty). He speicalizes in meat, though he has a knack with fish as well. Daramx is not particular in his employers and has cooked almost every kind of meat, including human.
"I juggle, all things in the air. Look at me. Are you talking? Don't talk while I juggle! How about I juggle your teeth and make soup of your eyes!"
Daramx can also juggle if it's a slow day and the customers need entertaining. However, his poor charisma limits this show from being anything special.
"Fired? Too rude? Fine! (translated from Goblin) Your loss! Go take a bath in your mother's milk, you oversensitive calf! You wouldn't last a day under a bugbear! Good luck finding a cook good enough to replace me."
Daramx could have several employers over the course of the campaign. Inevitably, Daramx's poor social skills outweigh his cooking ability and he ends up looking for a new employer. This allows PCs to see the chef over and over, if for some reason they've taken a shine to him.
"Where is garlic? Who stole it? Damn idiots all around, come into my kitchen! Scum in my presence!"
(note: Desank Daramx's cooking is listed as a craft skill to represent his freelance, specialized ability as opposed to being self-employed and running his own restaurant. If you change Cooking to a Profession skill anyway, remember to adjust for the changed ability modifier. Also, if you change his intelligence for any reason, remember to adjust the skill ranks as appropriate.)
"I hate you more than can say in your simpleton tongue."
Desank Daramx is not a mercenary and flees from battle. However, he is sometimes hired to cook for armies, and the D&D world is a dangerous place in general. If forced to battle, Daramx attempts to keep the attacker at range with thrown cooking tools, such as cleavers or scaling knives. His masterwork artisan's tools contain six such makeshift weapons before being depleted. When forced into melee range, he will try and fight with his magic carving knife, fighting defensively.
Also, Daramx is quick-witted and skilled at improvisational thinking. Depending on his environment, Daramx could use boiling soup, a hot stove, or any other element of his surroundings to defend himself.
Removal: Daramx's varied places of employment have allowed him repeated exposure to Nyaaguh the bard, whose blaring and squawking is audible in the kitchen. Daramx is often worked up to near-homicidal rages by the noise and will pay three days' wages to whomever can persuade Nyaaguh to leave.